Story Dice and the Game of Life
I’ve been playing with the idea that life is but a roll of the dice. Could it be just an endless series of reaching, grasping, and throwing the bones until the dots line up in our favor? It doesn’t matter how much faith you have in those dimpled cubes. Tell them you love them, hold them tight, blow them a kiss… those smug little dervishes rarely do what they’re told no matter how many times you throw them. They come whirling to a hard stop and you either smile or grimace as you absorb the left over momentum of the roll. Win or lose they always seem oddly satisfied and indifferent to the outcome. Perhaps it’s because the dice are loaded and simply running the program you subconsciously designed for yourself.
The last five years have felt much like a dice game. I thought I was gambling in the currency of good faith and hope. It all started when I placed a bet on adventure and sold my home in order to temporarily free myself from that game only to find myself unwillingly participating in another. This novel game was a carefully crafted long con. It destroyed everything in its path and insidiously reassembled the heartscape of humanity. Too many played the cards they were dealt instead of calling out the dealer’s bluff and putting an end to the game. On the contrary, the dealer is still dealing… but let’s move on.
Caregivers
After my naked faced foray on the novel battlefields reached an imperceptible simmering point I volunteered for the most important assignment of my life. I moved to the front lines of a more prescient battle. My mother became very ill (congestive heart failure) and in order to keep her home I volunteered to be her full-time live-in caregiver. My life would be sidelined as I watched the world around me disappear. This call of duty lasted for 26 months. I went in as one thing and came out the other side a different thing.
I will tell you this – caregivers are very underappreciated. The crushing level of stress and endurance it takes to do the job well are rarely shared or fairly distributed among family members. It’s understandable and yet at the same time it isn’t. None of us got it right but will not admit to getting anything wrong. On my part, it required everything I had inside of me to carry it through to the end.
I wish I could say it was over but I’m currently stuck in no man’s land… floating in a purgatory of unwarranted silence waiting for my family to cash in some of the chips I gave them and decide whether or not my efforts are worthy of their attention and subsequent benevolence. There is a duality of perception at play here that I will never understand. We have a situation that shouldn’t be a situation that is causing a situation that no one will acknowledge. Color me camouflage and pretend you don’t see me…
In my search to find solace I stumbled upon a carnivore meets caregiver interview. The following quotes were transcribed from a video interview featuring Hal Cranmer. I have mentioned Hal before in a previous post and how he has been able to turn things around for the elderly in his assisted living homes using low carb and carnivore diets. I took his advice and applied these dietary changes to my mom (and myself) and I observed the following positive results – lowered anxiety, marked improvement with skin and hair, improved appetite, and subtle improvements with memory. If only I had known this information early on in her care… would she have had a better experience in that last two years? I was only ever seeking quality of life over quantity.
“…What also is affected is the health span of the younger people [caregivers] because they are taking care of Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa at home… there… I see a lot of people break down and cry when they tour my nursing home because they haven’t slept in the last three days because Grandma’s up all night and they’ve got to change her at three in the morning… you know, it’s kind of a vicious cycle. Not only is grandma going down hill but their sons and daughters and grandkids are going down hill too. And a lot of people ignore their health and play the hero to help them and that’s bringing their health down tremendously and heading their way to a nursing home, so, we’ve got to stop this whole cycle is what I’m trying to advocate for, but ya, so when they come to my home, um, I really try to encourage the family that they really need to go on a low carb diet…” -Hal Cranmer, Owner “A Paradise for Parents”
“…but the real heroes are people like this that take care of their parents in their home. They get no recognition about it, ya know, it’s Friday night, it’s Saturday night, it’s Sunday night… Every week, you know, they don’t get much sleep and we don’t nearly recog[nize]… you know, we talk about teachers and fire fighters and military and police officers… these caregivers are just amazing people and families that step up to that… it’s just incredible what they do for their parents and the love they have for them… and gives you total faith in humanity.” -Hal Cranmer, Owner “A Paradise for Parents”
Story Dice
I started this post with an idea. A completely different idea about writing stories based on story dice. I focused on their shape, purpose, and characteristics. As usual, my mind took it in a direction and form I did not plan – much like my life. Writing, for me, functions as a type of therapeutic exercise that opens up the blocked channels and cleanses my spirit of the unwanted daemons that taunt us all.
In the post-caregiver-era that lies before us my husband and I had a new challenge to remedy. In these last five years we have largely been absent and unable to travel to see our grandchildren. What to do? What can we give them that isn’t cheap, disposable, and forgettable? Something unique that comes from the heart… something that takes time, careful thought, energy, and a little spark of our own life force.
We love to create. We love to write. It became obvious very quickly that we should write them one-of-a-kind stories with a twist. Make the stories dependent on the child’s participation in the creative process. But how? Build a digital story dice game website that’s how! In December 2024, we took that thought seed of an idea and went to work constructing the website.
“Amka’s Adventures” took its first grateful breath soon after. I say grateful because it has given us both a much needed boost of joy in the creating of it and a sense of accomplishment. It also serves as a balance to the circus that continues to be life under the world’s biggest big top. There is no life left in the current operating systems of governance and things will change as they inevitably must. This is gonna hurt. Let’s hope the political class can do the right thing for once. I know… you can stop laughing now.
Let’s Play!
Back on topic… The story writing is guided by the child’s direct involvement. They can roll the dice as many times as they want until they are satisfied with the selection. The dice roll is then sent to us and we begin the process of creating a story specifically tailored to the child’s interests and age in the exact order of the roll. There are personalized “memojis” of each child in the dice set and any one of them could show up as a character to join Amka on her amazing adventures!
Below is a dice roll example. In this roll the dice include two of Amka’s friends (there are several characters).
Here is a story sample (child):
Javier, having ventured a bit further than his friends, suddenly spoke up and called them over. “Look what I found…”, he said with measured enthusiasm.
Pointing to the ground he stood at the edge of a small pool of water. There was an object anchored to the center surrounded by perfectly spaced lines, engravings of fanciful creatures, and four letters… N, S, E, and W. It was a compass of some sort. The letter E pulsed with the same light that lit up the castle walls.
Uki stared at the compass and realized there was an indentation that looked strangely like the key they had found. ‘What would happen’, she thought to herself, ‘if we placed the key in that space?’
Just as she had this thought Daisuke moved forward and put the key in the very spot. As he did so the compass began to spin and the humming, the soft music they heard before, began to float into the cavern and increase in volume.
As the light began to dim they realized the opening to the castle was beginning to close up! “Get out! Now!”, yelled Amka. Daisuke grabbed the key and they all ran out as fast as they could.
read more… (select story page from the navigation bar)
Here is another story sample (mature):
It was no use. She hadn’t the energy or the strength to face it; to face the ashen brokenness that stood before her. The bones of the structure were all that remained… she felt this deeply as though it were her that had been consumed and picked at until nothing was left.
“I need to clean all this off me”, she thought, “I need to breathe the salty moist air and listen in stillness to the rhythmic sounds of the waves. That’s always been my tonic. The ocean. A form of baptism and exorcism by way of water and wind”.
She set off at once. The mess would be a mess for a few days longer. It just didn’t matter.
The forest was her heart. She knew every tree by name. Every path and stone were known to her. The unnatural disasters had severely crippled the land of the trees. Their numbers dwindling under the intensity and frequency of the strange atmospheric attacks that bore no resemblance to times past. The land they shared, creature and tree, growing smaller by the day.
Amka began her journey slowly, moving at a very steady pace. It felt good to just be moving forward with nothing in her way. Her body relishing the release of the chaotic energy that was tightly coiled around her core. However, her mind seemed to be running an entirely different race pursued by an entity she could not readily identify.
Her thoughts frantically fluttering back and forth and like a bird in a cage she pondered on her circumstances.
read more… (select story page from the navigation bar)
Metaphoric
The website is still in early stages and functionality will no doubt improve over time. Additionally, each story is accompanied by an audio recording read by the author. In some cases, a story specific song may even appear to support the story telling process. For example, if the narwhal character (Zoya) shows up in a dice roll it will always prompt a song in that story. We hope writing these stories will add some magic to our grandchildren’s lives – and to ours.
Rolling the dice seems to me a good metaphor for certain aspects of life. You can see most of the objects ahead of you but you just don’t know how it will all play out until it plays out. I started this post talking about loaded dice and outcomes; about the labor of love that is a caregivers journey; about making an effort in the lives of the next generation; and about family feuds creating a silent war of attrition. What do these things have in common? In one way or another all the dots connect us one to the other like the stars in the heavens. How we choose to treat our relationships is the master key to a successful life. It’s not easy. However, it is the only thing that counts. It is how we will be remembered and received into the next life.
And on that note:
† Rest in peace Frank… You were a tower of strength in this life. You are loved and will be deeply missed.
As always, thanks for making the time to share in my journey. 
If you are a caregiver, God bless you and may the Lord of Life provide continued strength in your journey!
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Hi Erin, what a great metaphor the dice makes on so many levels of life.
I live the story website created for your grandchildren . What a wonderful idea! Something they can treasure for life! Hope all is well. Miss you guys!!!
Kat! We miss you too! Let’s not lose touch – and I hope you write your story idea. I look forward to it 🙂 You got my numba 😉